Ok first things first I have changed the name of this blog as I discovered there was a rather popular blog about textiles that had the same name as my old title (its got a facebook group and everything!) so oops....name changed.
Secondly the title of this post is a quote by Henry Rollins. Not someone who you immediately think I like being a hardcore punk rocker, but he says a lot of things that cut to the bone and quite frankly I like that.
Ok this may be long and garbled but Im using this blog as a tool to get out what I need to say and since I have no one who will listen Im all out on you readers (lol).
Quotes like this have gotten me through some tough times. I have come through a very volitile relationship with my ex. A relationship which was both emotionally and physically violent, Ive been through counselling, courts, sat in more police stations than I care to remember, had more meetings with social workers than most people have had hot dinners and ended fleeing to a refuge with my 2 young sons.
Now it occured to me last night that that period of my life ended 8 years ago.....8 years and yet I still dont feel like I have come through the other side. You are probably thinking what the hell does this have to do with clothes? Well the fact is I spent a great deal of my life being told what to wear, how to act, even how to talk and Im finding it really hard to get back in touch with the real me.
I want to find that vibrant young 19 year old again that loved life and had a dream to work in the theatre (I was studying permorming arts before I met my ex). This is so daft I will probably delete all this once I have typed it (dont know if Im brave enough to share all this). I feel like if I can start to wear thing I love and even fix my hair the way I want Im taking control of my life again.Its a small step for some, but a major leap for me....you may think my outfits are uninspired but even wearing a skirt is a major thing for me.....
Anyway *breath* sorry once I started typing it all came out there...Im not looking for sympathy or for anyone to give me compliments, just maybe wanted to give a little of me to you that others dont know about.....I love my life at the minute, Jamie is wonderful and a total opposite to what I once had, i have a fantastic family and a lovely house...but old scars still run deep.....
Major kudos goes to http://refuge.org.uk/ without them I wouldnt be here. Its the only charity I dontate regulary too and I hope one day I can work with them whether on a voluntary basis or as a counsellor. Ok so lets draw a (virtual) line under all this, you dont need to be bogged down by all this...this is my little personal therapy just cos Im feeling a bit down tonight.
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So...onwards to more frivilous things lol. Todays outfit was a casual to say the least! I wanted to feel comfortable for antoher day out with my family.
Sorry for the poor quality of the pics I had to take them when I came in frazzled this afternoon so my hair is in major frizz mode! lol
I wore: Wide legged torusers with turn up detail in a gold and brown check-Asda
v neck slightly puffed sleeved jumper-Primark
black and gold patterned scarf- Primark
Tried to get a proper pic of the length/ style of the trousers here- apologies for my manky mirror (I do clean-honest!) lol
Teamed with leopard print pumps- Priceless. they are actually a suede effect it doesnt show up too well on the pics.
chunky bronze cuff with stones- have no idea where its from its so old lol
But hang on you say? Wheres the butterflies????
Ahh well they are here on my bag the only ebay item on my outfit today!
so there you go if you havent fallen asleep yet or turned you to drink thank you all for listening to my little whinge I promise a much more upbeat post tomorrow!!
xxxx
1. I read, I'm awake, and the only drink I have is tea.
ReplyDelete2. I'm sorry your having a hard time tonight. I admire your honesty and ability to post this, I don't think you should delete it.
What you've been through is something I can't understand, and I can only imagine how hard it was, and still is for you.
I don't think your clothes are uninspired at all. I think you look lovely, and it's nice to see the progress you are making with what YOU are choosing to wear,
you dont need to run before you can walk, take it day by day and remember WE are here to support you.
xxx
Aww sweetheart ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteIt's a process, finding yourself is a process, especially after recovering from something like that. I have tried to be so many people... I'm still just discovering who I am. My dreams as a teenager... my life until then... was ended when I was 18. I can never be the same person I was up to that point. But you can identify with the phoenix and you can rise from the ashes of your old life and just be who you want to be. Be who you are.
Remember this when you feel down: http://curveschaos.blogspot.com/2010/02/10-things-i-love-about-me.html
grrr just typed a big long message and it got lost :(
ReplyDeleteAw honey (hugs) thank you for sharing how you feel and where you are at, owning it an expressing it is all part of the moving on process, it sounds like you've been through a lot and it takes time to recover. that girl is still inside you just waiting to come out again, and little by little you'll get in touch with her again.
As for the outfit, well lady you have got style, the shoes are very cute, I love the trousers, the scarf is a nice touch and your bag is to die for!
Love Queenie xx
Sharon, I am hopeless at knowing what to say in these situations. It's all there in my brain but I can't type it out properly.
ReplyDeleteSo although this isn't as long or thoughtful as the other comments, just know that I'm in awe of how brave and strong you are. And there's no rush for anything, take it at your own pace. We'll be here, cheering you on all the way.
xx